Napping in the sun

It's a beautiful, sunny day in Grayslake, and Gato hopped into the chair to make the most of it. She'd doing better lately and no longer howling in the morning. Stanley is doing well too. He's even using the litter pan more often. I think Stanley never really felt secure enough to use one while Patrick was around. He preferred to sneak down into the basement instead.

We took a drive into Wisconsin in the bus this morning, but didn't take Gato with us. I don't think she cared very much. It was a nice morning to nap in the sun.

Patrick is no longer suffering

Last night, Patrick's vet came by to put an end to his suffering. It was quick and I hope it was painless. We tried everything we could to help him over the last month, but it wasn't enough. It would have been cruel to allow him to suffer for our own selfish reasons.

It's very quiet here now. No more sock moving at night. No more 4am wake up calls for breakfast. No more licks on the nose and face. No more poop on the floor. I've lost my little boy and my loyal friend. It feels like someone has punched me in the stomach. I know things will get better, but it will take time.

Patrick is calm

We have spent most of the day sitting with Patrick. Actually, he came out this morning and sat near us. He napped in the sun and stretched out near us. He still isn’t eating, but I am glad he didn’t spend the day in the dark closet. Gato and Stanley spent some time with us as well. He seemed to perk up after he received the sub-q fluids this morning. We also cleaned him up so he wasn’t wet. I am sure that made him feel a little better.

We called our new vet earlier today and she will be coming by the house tomorrow evening. I’m having a hard time keeping my emotions under control, but I’m trying not to appear upset when I’m near Patrick. He seems calm today and I do not want to disturb him. I want his final days to be as quiet and peaceful as possible.

Patrick is hiding

Patrick has moved to a closet and he is hiding in a dark corner. He hasn't been hiding like this in over a week. The poor boy hasn't had anything to eat on his own in about three days. Over the weekend I felt he was about to make a turn, but I didn't expect it to be in this direction.

Patrick is resting

Patrick is downstairs, sleeping near me as I write this. He had a big day with family staying with us over the weekend. Patrick spent most of his day on a heating pad, with Gato nearby. Unfortunately, he hasn’t had much to eat today. He didn’t sleep with us last night and I bet he would stay downstairs tonight if I were to let him. I’ll probably have to carry him back upstairs to bed tonight.

Earlier in the week, Patrick began peeing where he sat. We thought he was getting weak and losing control of his bladder. Our home vet determined it was a bladder infection and prescribed antibiotics. After a couple days on the antibiotics, Patrick stopped having accidents. We wonder if the medicine is upsetting his stomach and keeping him from eating.

I am disappointed the prescription that the animal pharmacy provided was bubblegum flavored liquids for the antibiotics. I can’t believe there isn’t some other cat friendly flavor. Patrick takes the twice a day dose better than we expected. In fact, he has been the best patient for his daily sub-q fluids. He stays on his side without putting up much of a fight. The boy even kissed me on the nose a couple times while we held him still. So much for the “Caution” warning, he came with.

Gato and Stanley have been very kind to Patrick lately. No one has tried to take advantage of his weakness. I'm very proud of them. I don't think the three cats have ever spent this much time sitting near each other without fighting. Until last night, they had even been sleeping near each other in bed. I don't think has ever happened before. They are certainly watching over their big brother.

Patrick is still with us.

Our vet just left, but we did not go through as planned. Once the time came, we just could not agree on the decision. One of us wasn’t ready and this has to be a decision we all agree on. We will take a week to see how Patrick does. He has been giving us mixed signals since Sunday. On one hand, he has lost control of his bladder and he is very wobbly on his feet. On the other hand, he seems much more alert and his appetite has greatly improved. He's spent the last two nights sleeping in bed with us. Patrick is also trying to clean himself, which we haven’t seen him do in a long time.

The vet didn’t think he was in pain and said it wouldn’t be wrong to wait a little longer. She also made it clear that we need to be realistic and not expect a miracle. We will continue with his IV and medication. He will be confined to the bedroom, so he doesn't fall down the stairs. We are also going to get a urine sample, to see if he has an infection that is causing his incontinence. I hope we haven’t made a selfish decision that will cause him to suffer later. I am very confused right now and emotionally drained.

My dear Patrick

Today we made one of the hardest decisions we've had to make in a long time, the decision to help Patrick cross the Rainbow Bridge. He is still here with us, but he has told us in his own way, that it is the right time. Our new vet will be making a house call to see him tomorrow morning.

He may have had another stroke on Sunday. We awoke to find him missing again, only this time he wasn’t waiting for breakfast. He was hiding under some furniture, near one of his old favorite napping spots. He can barely walk lately, but all of a sudden, he now has an urge to get into bed with us. He spent last night in bed. That was the first time he has done that in over a month. It gives me false hope for something I know in my heart will not happen. He is not going to return to be the big, alpha cat that has lived with us for the last nine years. I have to accept it.

I have to continue to remind myself that he needs us to do what is best for him. I have become very selfish and want to keep him around for as long as I can, but I know he isn’t happy. He is a strong cat and I want him to keep his dignity. It is my responsibility to make sure he doesn’t lose it. If nothing else, I owe him that.

I love you so much Patrick. I hope that I am not a coward tomorrow.