He may have had another stroke on Sunday. We awoke to find him missing again, only this time he wasn’t waiting for breakfast. He was hiding under some furniture, near one of his old favorite napping spots. He can barely walk lately, but all of a sudden, he now has an urge to get into bed with us. He spent last night in bed. That was the first time he has done that in over a month. It gives me false hope for something I know in my heart will not happen. He is not going to return to be the big, alpha cat that has lived with us for the last nine years. I have to accept it.
I have to continue to remind myself that he needs us to do what is best for him. I have become very selfish and want to keep him around for as long as I can, but I know he isn’t happy. He is a strong cat and I want him to keep his dignity. It is my responsibility to make sure he doesn’t lose it. If nothing else, I owe him that.
I love you so much Patrick. I hope that I am not a coward tomorrow.